We could run away from ourselves..

Subject:	I don't really hate everything.
Time:	12:24 am.

It's amazing how people get attached to one another. Even people I hardly talked to years ago, and have basically lost contact with now. I love unspoken connections, and unspoken love. I guess deep down we're not such cruel creatures? Or so I would like to imagine.

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Subject:	I'm gettin' breakfast in the mornin'.
Time:	2:08 am.

I need to not be so emotional and hopeless.
Today I was a silly wreck.
I'm just worried about money and situations, and expectations that I need to fulfill.

but then I saw Iron Man... again.
and ALL I WANT is to be a superhero.
I want ADVENTURES!

I'm running away to Milford tomorrow, until Sunday night I think.
...And by the time I come back all my problems best have fixed themselves!!

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Time:	5:58 pm.
Mood:	happy.
Music:	MF Doom.

well, I'm finally all moved in. Returned my fucking dorm room keys today. It's so nice to have a home. I love my roomates, we're a happy family.

shawn and I both have job interviews for the RAVE movie theater on sunday. so hopefully that goes well! Cause that would be a great job.

I've just been drawing and listening to music and takin' it easy.

Bobby's in Michigan, so he will visit me soon!

Other than that!... uh there's this boy and I think he's really swell.

Things are good. Hope everyone is enjoying the weather!

love, lauren.

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Subject:	one person missing!
Time:	2:34 pm.
Mood:	content.

-What a great weekend. week. weeks.
-What a suprise! I really did not think stacy and eric would come out to kzoo but it was great to see the for the little while that they were here.
-It was pretty adventurous...I woke up on the roof.
-Ish and Artwork and Wildcatting= amazing.
-I got to hang out with kids that I had only heard about. And it was fun.
-TYLER LONG.
-Life has been treating me well.
happy 2 more days of school

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Time:	11:14 pm.
Mood:	awake.

I'm going to have a home in kalamazoo! above rocket, in the middle of this month. I'm sooo excited to have a space, and to bring my cozy bed from milford out here. But, I am scared, because I don't have a job yet. But I'm going to look every fucking day until I find one, damnit. And then hopefully make extra money doing the drug testing thing in the morning a couple days a week.

No more dorms!!!

Yeah, other than that.. I love my art teachers and I think I'm really quite happy with going to western right now.

This week is flying by, and I can't wait for school to end.
I haven't seen some people in a while, and I miss 'em.

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Subject:	let's be honest with ourselves.
Time:	2:59 pm.

i got hit with some weird wave 2 or 3 days ago... and now I've got this motivation to meet new people, have fun all the time, stay up until 5am and then go to class, make art, find music, go for walks, write, and have girl talk about boyzz.
what the fuck, let's watch some horror movies and dance. I never want to put myself in uncomfortable situations, I wanna learn how to live and I wanna live for the people I care about, and the things I care about. But maybe start opening up to people more.

p.s. i need a job if there's any suggestions as to where to go, it would be much appreciated. I want to be in kzoo this summer.

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Subject:	p.s. my problems are petty compared to the rest of the world.
Time:	12:07 pm.
Mood:	exhausted.

blog blog blog.

i'm tired of running away from situations that make me uncomfortable. parents, change, embarassment, history and all kinds of stress.
running from your demons is hard work.

I could transfer and start new somewhere else, people do it all the time. Ann Arbor sounds nice, i could be closer to detroit which is where the rest of the milford crew is, and we would hang out on the weekends and get drunk and go 800 beloved shows and I'd go to school and make some crappy art. And I might says things like "i'm happy to be back, i was way too fucking far away for too long." Re-connect.

I could stay and wait it out wait it out, remake ties and meet people and get drunk and go to rocket shows and maybe I would buy a nice bike and hang out at shawns until the apartment gets too sweaty warm and then get some coffee and drive 2 hours and see some people and drive back and work and go to school and make some crappy art and blog blog blog about it on livejournal with horrible grammar(sp?) because I just don't care.

I've been thinking so much about everything, I feel like I've made myself go retarded.

Either way, I'm gonna miss out on something, that's just how things go, that's life- it's not perfect, not even close.
All arrows point to "lauren, learn how to live all on your own."

but I say "fuck that shit" and "why's it gotta be so hard?"

i'm looking for a fast solution.. but i don't know what that is and realisticly I doubt it existance.

why can't we all just live in india because i swear you guys it would be a happy-fun-party all the time. Nobody believes me.

where's my crack pipe.

-laurensonk.

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Subject:	yup. flordia sucks.
Time:	1:44 pm.

My parents are driving me crazy. especially my mom because she doesn't want to do anything, and she just complains all the time. my dad keeps talking about shitty shit from my past that I just don't want to talk about, especially while I'm on vacation. and i think i had some schitzo-personality-type moment in a resturaunt while eating fish.
I got scared and decided I'm never eating fish again OR coming back to motherfuckin' flordia.

Although, it is nice to get away and forget about all the stupid drama... i don't even understand how how all that shit starts, or what it is half the time...
but when when we started driving out of Michigan, i felt all those insecurities and all that paranoia lifted off my shoulders.

I had a feeling that during this "spring break" everyone in kalamazoo suffering from their wintertime blues, might just snap. and I don't want to be around for all of that mess.

let's all get along. or i'm outta this town.

... i'd rather live in flordia..?

love, lauren.

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Subject:	valentine's day.
Time:	7:07 am.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	belle and sebastian- the fox in the snow.

okay, I've been optimistic about this winter shit long enough. I'm wearin' thin here.
I've gone way longer without complaining about it this year than last year. I'm pretty sure it's because I haven't been smoking, so now I have CIRCULATION! Circulation to the hands and the feet in the winter is a really great.

My cassettes woln't hold together with the glue cause cassettes are lumpy... it's driving me KrAzY! crazy with a K. My cassette/harp is going to be retarded.

I don't really have anything to say I guess, it's just early and I'm waiting to go to class.

love, lauren.

p.s. happy valentines day. I actually don't hate valentines day this year. because Pual Baribeau's at Rstar tonight!

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Subject:	TADAtodolist:
Time:	2:45 pm.

I'm so excited about making comics with shawn!! I need to get better at drawing zombies... I'm not very good at drawing the human anatomy.
baaaaaaah. my muscles are killing me all I wanna do is go swimming... I feel like that will help.

to do soon:

response paper to art show.
pen and ink drawing of a place.
build a violin/harp out of cassettes and tapes from cassettes.
study for quiz.
online assignment.
illustrate zombie comic.
design coloring book.
read chapter 3 of Physics.
re-obtain my W2s that western's mail people lost.
turn in big apple bagel application.
turn in waldo's library application.
finish setting up the rest of my dorm.
sew patches with my new fabric.
yoga.
climb kalamazoo.
swimming at the rec center.
blue velvet tomorrow.
see pual b.
laundry!
call my mom.

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Subject:	michigan is so many miles.
Time:	8:15 am.

for those of you that believe the world is small, and getting smaller all the time because of technology, advances in transportations and communications...I would have to disagree.
I feel like the world is still so big. Too big for my sisters to be living in colorado. It's too big for neil to be in rochester, too big for people to decide to go to seattle, brooklyn, or california or wherever else they feel is better. Bobby and Caroline should not be so far away. Stacy and Emily should not even be on the other side of the state. Tyler should not be in Chicago. Craig should not be in Grand Rapids, Steve Braat should be my neighbor everywhere I go.
Phone calls, and myspace messages, and comments, and posts, and 4 times a year road trips still don't make up for all those miles.
sometimes I just miss everyone I've ever met.
it's time I saw your face, and maybe a blemish or two, or like some food stuck in your teeth so that I know you're right in front of me and you have a past and a present and a future and I love you.
love, lauren.

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Subject:	wish list
Time:	2:43 pm.

I wish that phones could read your blood alcohol content...
...and that they would not let you drunk text/call after 2 AM if you have been drinking steel reserve, wiskey, gin, vodka, and an assortment of beers.
prevent drunk dialing and texting.
and awkward mornings.
... and wild fires.

I wish that stupid hoes and homophobic people would go onto an island far far away.
and smoke lots of cigarettes in a dry field, with their stupid, dry personalities, and not prevent wild fires very well at all.

aaaaaaannnnnnd, I wish that everyone would be honest and be good and nice and get over it.

and I wish that the man at the window of Burger King would give me my snoopy toy
...and not lie and say that they're out just because I didn't get the Kidz Meal.

love, lauren.

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Subject:	it's pretty outside!
Time:	10:44 am.

now that i've added a bunch of new friends to livejournal I don't really want to blog... why would I want all of these weird-oos knowing all of my secrety thoughts anyways? damnit.

Not too much is new at all. I'm been REALLY super busy and distracted and running around a lot latley. I've been wanting to make a milford visit as soon as I get a chance and some money. I'm worried that I have some friends who are forgetting about me because I'm not around enough. I feel like last time I left, i left maybe on a bad note? I don't really know, i'm really strange and paranoid.

The rose street house has been looking and feeling nice as hell latley. It almost feels like a home, even to me.

I worked a shift at rocketstar, kind of. Well mostly, clay helped me a little. But I'm thinking about working a few of his shifts for him, maybe, so he can relax and i could make tips. I think I got the hang of it. But I got nervous when I recomended the soup to this older guy, so he bought it, and then I asked him how it was and he said that it was too salty and it made his heart race... because he has heart problems apparently.

... I didn't really know what to say.

ooooh well.

I think that's all for now.

hope everyone's doing well.

love, lauren.

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Subject:	2007 in review
Time:	2:30 pm.
Mood:	accomplished.
Music:	half-handed cloud.

I completed 2007's resoltions successfully.

2007's resolutions:
#1- smoking less
#2- getting good grades
#3- passing my drug tests

now i just need to think of something challenging for 2008. But I really can't think of anything, and I guess that's a good thing.

Looking back on it 2007 was... a success! I passed! A+! I exercised a lot of self-control this year and figured a lot of shit out. Let's see I was a non-cheating vegetarian, than a vegan for over half a year, and I figured out what I am going to school for and what I plan on doing with my future. (which isn't very much but I don't care.) Not to mention I quit smoking. I had a job at one point in time! (even though i got fired.) I made new friends, got healthy, learned how to do things in moderation, stayed basically drug free, formed strong opinions, didn't party all the time, but didn't study all the time! Re-tied lost connections with my family, mostly my sisters.
Learned a lot about people and their differences. Learned new levels of acceptance and understanding.
Became better at being honest and rational, and less anxious, and kept on loving old friends.

not saying that i'm perfect at these things at all. Just saying that these things are better to some degree.

love, lauren.

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Subject:	"Knulp" by Hermann Hesse is a good book!
Time:	11:21 pm.

i wanna go to ann arbor tomorrow and hang out with clay and neil and have fun! Oh I can't wait for the boredom to end.
not even meijer was open today!
I can't wait for meijer to open for some reason. I think i'll wake up at 7am and hang out at meijer for like 4 hours. it just sounds like a good time.

christmas was okay i guess. i got some nice shit and ate some good food. but my family was kinda being irritating. they like to make fun of me a lot, and i am easily saddened/insulted.

oh well.
that's what you get being the youngest.

love, lauren

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